MANILA (LiCAS News): Jose Cardinal Advincula of Manila urged Catholics to accompany people patiently rather than pressure them to change, insisting that genuine friendship must make room for growth, failure, and healing.
In his homily during the opening Mass of the 12th Philippine Conference on New Evangelisation on July 24, Cardinal Advincula said that, in true friendship, “love never forces, but simply accompanies.”
The conference opened at the University of Santo Tomas Quadricentennial Pavilion under the theme “Sangkay,” the Waray-Binisaya word for friend.
Drawing from the gospel account of the wedding at Cana, the cardinal proposed three virtues for Christian friendship: hinay-hinay [gentleness], kanunay [steadfastness], and buligay [mutual sharing].
He said Mary showed gentle care when she noticed that the wedding hosts had run out of wine. Rather than forcing Jesus to act, “she simply presented the need” and trusted God’s timing.
“Mary’s care is gentle because it respects the pace of God’s work and the readiness of people to cooperate,” Cardinal Advincula said.
Mary’s care is gentle because it respects the pace of God’s work and the readiness of people to cooperate
Cardinal Advincula
The cardinal observed that impatience can strain relationships when people expect others to forgive, recover, understand, or change quickly.
Parents can become frustrated with their children, while children may lose patience with aging parents, he said. Friends may also expect one another to recover too quickly from hurt or failure.
“A true friend knows how to wait, because waiting is also an act of love,” he said. “Gradualness is a language of love.”
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He urged people to accompany rather than control their friends, encourage rather than pressure them, and trust that God continues to work in every person.
Cardinal Advincula also warned against abandoning relationships, communities, or spiritual commitments when enthusiasm fades.
Every relationship and vocation, he said, eventually reaches a point when “we run out of wine”—when excitement disappears, and daily life becomes ordinary.
He urged people to accompany rather than control their friends, encourage rather than pressure them, and trust that God continues to work in every person.
“In friendships, constant conversations give way to occasional messages,” he said, while the joy of a retreat or conversion experience can give way to the ordinary rhythm of daily prayer.
The cardinal said people often “mistake intensity for love” and so look for another source of excitement.
“But love is not found in intensity, but in fidelity, in constancy amid the ordinary,” he said.
Cardinal Advincula pointed to the water that Jesus transformed into wine at Cana as a sign that faithfulness is often expressed through ordinary acts. He said that Catholics continue to pray even when prayer feels dry, attend Mass when they do not feel inspired, forgive while the hurt remains, and serve even when their work goes unnoticed.
“Friendship is not built on intense moments of dramatic emotions, but on steadfast trust,” he said.
The cardinal also called for relationships based on mutual support rather than one-sided dependence. “There are moments when we carry others, and there are moments when others carry us,” he said.
He noted the miracle at Cana unfolded through the participation of Mary, the servants, the steward, the guests, and the bride and groom.
But love is not found in intensity, but in fidelity, in constancy amid the ordinary
Cardinal Advincula
“Each one shared in the service and mission of Jesus. No one does everything alone,” he said.
Cardinal Advincula urged people to share their time, talents, faith, and experience while remaining willing to receive help from others.
“True love knows how to help and also how to accept help,” he said.
The cardinal said a Church rooted in friendship must become a community where burdens are shared.
“In a Church that is built on the mutuality of friendship, no one walks alone,” he said.
Cardinal Advincula closed by urging participants to care for others without rushing their growth, remain faithful in ordinary moments, and share in the mission of Jesus.
